Sure, they’re more expensive, but if you simply do what I do and ask your mom for more money-problem solved. Everybody shops at big department stores while we watch the Mom and Pop shops atrophy before our eyes. Portaloo: “ Consumerism has run rampant in our society. The flowing surge of period blood in this piece represents all of life’s problems, where the small, anthropomorphic penis on a surfboard represents all of us, trying our very best to weather a tsunami of problems dumped upon us by the discarded uterine wall that is life.” No matter how much you try to keep on top of them all, occasionally they will overwhelm you. Portaloo: “ Kierkegaard once famously said ‘I’ve got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one.’ Using this logic we can assume that the average person has approximately 100 problems at any given time. Plus, everyone knows that all Asians are born with Olympic standard table-tennis skills, so they don’t even need to practice!” I met a woman there who had lung cancer of the vagina because she was made to smoke twenty cigarettes a day with her genitalia in one of these so called ‘sex-shows.’ Ping pong balls, on the other hand, are much safer and far more entertaining. I know I’m not alone in saying that I’m tired of being ignored.”ĭingsmelle: “ The exploitation of Asian women is a plight I have been passionate about since Daddy paid for my gap-year to Thailand back in ’85. I had my husband’s balls in my mouth just last week and he couldn’t understand a word I was saying. The man’s balls entering the woman’s mouth is a metaphor for the overpowering nature of men and the lengths they will go to keep the voice of women stifled. So without further ado, help yourself to some free champagne and enjoy what can only be described as “an orgasm for your optic nerves.” Monsieur Portaloo and Mademoiselle Dingsmelle are so gifted, they make Leonardo da Vinci’s “masterpieces” look like a sausage dog ate some paint and then shat it on a canvas made entirely out of bits of Susan Boyle’s face. This visionary experience explores morality, sexuality, gratuitous violence and contemporary society through the medium of “ Shitart,” a ground-breaking new genre which attempts to replicate the drawing skills of a disabled 10 year old. Bienvenue, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the grand opening of our “ Brush Strokes & Ball Hair” exhibition, where you are about to witness the most cutting-edge and controversial art-pieces in existence.
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